The Cabin in the Woods that must be seen to be believed

On 13 April everyone should be seeing The Cabin in the Woods. Unless you hate fun.

Some films are so unconventional that a conventional review would only serve to do such films an injustice. The Cabin in the Woods is a perfect example of exactly that kind of flick. Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard have delivered such a spectacular work of modern art that anyone who sees The Cabin in the Woods owes it to them to shut their mouths about what happens in it. Of course, many will ask “but what’s it about?” Fine. It’s about five university students who head off to a remote cabin in the woods to spend a weekend together. That is all anyone needs to know before seeing this. What’s that? You want more information. Okay, look, here’s what can safely be discussed without spoiling the film:

Chris Hemsworth stars as one of the students and gives a terrific performance. He’s no flash in the pan.
Kristen Connolly is also one of the five and is ever so easy on the eyes. There needs to be 100% Kristen Connolly in every movie.
The Cabin in the Woods is an absolute must-see for anyone who loves horror movies.
The Cabin in the Woods is an absolute must-see for anyone who hates horror movies.
Fran Kranz will completely win viewers over with his character.
Seeing The Cabin in the Woods for the first time is one of the most fun experiences one can have at the cinema without resorting to back row sexy times.
It’d be stupid to seek out spoilers for this. The Cabin in the Woods is one non-stop reveal. Don’t watch the trailer and stop typing “Cabin in the Woods spoiler” into Google, damn it (in fact, I bet that’s how many reading this got here. Be ashamed.). Anyone who spoils this doesn’t have the viewers’ best interests in mind and is only looking for easy web traffic. It also shows a lack of respect to the people who have crafted such a fantastic treat.

That’s pretty much it. The Cabin in the Woods is an absolutely bonkers blast and it’s too bad one can only watch it for the first time once. On the other hand, God gave us the condition of amnesia for a reason. So on 13 April, go out and see The Cabin in the Woods and then keep banging your head on solid objects until you’re ready to see it again. As for scoring this, only because the film seems to lose a bit of steam in the final few minutes I’ll go with: 9.5/10

You’re not satisfied? Not convinced? You need to have some spoilers? *sigh* All right… Just highlight the text below for a major spoiler:

If you spoil this movie for yourself, you are a massive idiot. Turn off your computer and don’t come back until you’ve seen The Cabin in the Woods.
You can thank me later.