Another week, another Noel Clarke film inexplicably released across the UK. Yes, someone’s (surely) favourite actor/screenwriter is back with romantic (supposed) comedy The Knot, featuring the weird-looking woman from Inception and Mena Suvari, as the once promising career of the American Beauty star continues to circle the drain. In a desperate attempt to emulate the successes of both The Hangover and Bridesmaids, The Knot somehow rips both films off without providing a single laugh along the way.
The plot follows both halves of a couple on their wedding day. Matthew McNulty is the groom, Peter, surrounded by a handful of truly moronic lads, led by Clarke’s dope-smoking Peter. Talulah Riley is the blushing bride, Alexandra, who prepares for the big day with her accident prone bridesmaids. For no good reason, wedding photographers film both parties in the run up to the nuptials. Terribly unfunny antics between Peter’s mates vie for the title of “Biggest Waste of Time” with brainless gross-out humour from the ladies’ side. Predictable, idiotic, insulting and insipid, the chaos of Peter and Alex’s wedding day couldn’t be a more painful experience to watch. When the wedding ring inevitably makes its way into a toilet bowl, it joins the careers of Clarke and Suvari at the very bottom of it. The Knot ensures that only one of those three things makes its way out of the porcelain crap container.
It’s impossible to divide up the blame for The Knot being one of (if not) the year’s absolute worst films. Every joke, gag and idea dies an immediate death before it begins to rot whilst onscreen. Not a single actor or moment makes one minute of The Knot worth viewing. Clarke is as unappealing as ever, but no one else is any better. The film is a bigger disaster than Peter and Alex’s wedding day. The characters are entirely unlikable, poorly written and the subplot of Peter’s obsessed ex-girlfriend would be a waste of time if The Knot was worth time to begin with. Since it’s not, it serves as one more reminder of just how clueless Clarke and co-conspirators, oh sorry, co-“writers” Geoff Carino and Davie Fairbanks are about, not just comedy, but character development, as well. The best that can be said of their screenplay is that it treats the two sexes equally in making both genders look like complete, detestable plonkers. Technically, the film is watchable and it does appear to have a larger budget than it deserves (though to be fair, that number would be zero) so it might be easy to think The Knot has something to offer based on its slick presentation. However, rest assured, it certainly does not.
Those who avoid Noel Clarke films as a general rule would be wise to continue following such sensible measures. The Knot is 90 minutes of non-stop horrible, derivative “comedy” that is never once funny, even in the slightest. With a bare-bones plot fleshed out with hackneyed material that has been done infinitely better by the films it steals from, The Knot is the must-miss comedy of 2012. Save the date for quite literally anything (a root canal, perhaps) other than this pathetic pretender. 1/10